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Writer's pictureDr Nichola Marchant

A quickie about sex and anxiety!

One of the most common enquiries I get is from people who are experiencing anxiety around sex. It's a super common issue. With many different symptoms and root causes.

For some, anxiety blocks sex completely. Avoiding sex is understandable if sex is painful (emotionally or physically) or gives us the ick but the tricky thing about avoiding anything is that we never get to the point of learning that we can have sex and that it can be pleasurable and fun.

Anxiety in others may present as difficulties getitng aroused or staying aroused. When we can't "perform" sexually we may expereince feelings of shame / embarrassment / humilation and further anxiety about it happening again. This often pushes people to a place of avoidance or even denying that they have any interest in sex / relationships at all.

Some people may manage to get and stay aroused but the anxiety buzzing about their head and / or body prevents them from connecting with pleasurable sensations and thoughts and then they find themselves unable to orgasm which again for some creates further difficult emotions and further anxiety.

When it comes to addressing anxiety around sex, typically we would want to look at the whole picture which means in simple terms addressing physical, emotional and behavioural aspects of the anxiety.

If you feel anxious about sex you might want to consider

  • a visit to your GP to see if there are any physical causes of your anxiety (eg hormonal imbalances, certain vitamins and minerals being out of whack)

  • Therapy (or self reflection) to identify the root causes of your anxieties and to identify strategies to heal / overcome these

  • Whether your current sexual partners / environments / choices might be maintaining or exacerbating your anxiety and if so how you might address these

  • How you might work towards having sexual expereinces (alone or with others) where you feel safe / relaxed and can connect with pleasurable sensations




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